Creeping Death

For a foreigner, Australia is a place we believe to be, literally, crawling with dangers. A few years ago I had seen a television series in which the 72 most dangerous animals in Oz were counted down. Granted, the kangaroo and platypus were on the list because, technically, they can do serious damage, but topping the countdown were the more expected Great White Shark, crocodile, and Taipan. In the US, this seems to be the prevailing belief about Australia; that if you step off of a cement sidewalk you will die; that crocs lurk just below the surface in every body of water waiting to ambush the unwary swimmer; that to wade into the ocean here is to court a horrible death from below, whether by tooth or stinger; that large, horrible spiders hide under sheets and in shoes waiting to add your name to the year’s list of fatalities; that snakes are ubiquitously hiding in every patch of shade and coiled to strike anyone who so much as looks at them. But most of all that if you’re not hyper vigilant, the dreaded Drop Bears will get you.

But I have to say that the danger here is very much over sold.

Most people here go about in thongs (FLIP FLOPS! Flip flops.) or barefoot without a second thought. While in Sydney, I had seen an advertisement for an event called ‘The Macquarie Bondi to Bronte Ocean Swim’, which involved swimming up the coast 1.3 miles (2.2 km). The threat of hungry sharks and venomous Box Jellyfish couldn’t have been looming and immediate if hundreds of people were willing to dive headlong into the surf and swim that kind of a distance. A map of crocodile populations shows that they are all well North and East of here with none coming this far inland. A couple of friends recently visited Sydney and talked with some local friends about the dangerous fauna of the country. The question was met with laughs and the assurance that the dangers are very greatly exaggerated by foreigners. This, it should be noted, was followed after a pause, by several people going on to talk about having close calls and near misses with small deadly creatures. The takeaway here is that while this place is mostly safe, there are very real dangers to be aware of. One should always, in the word of Frank Steffan, ‘Watch your back’.

One of the brothers in Monto had said that to an Aussie it seems like in the US, one can see death coming (ie: bears, wolves, rattlers), but in Oz, most of the things that can end you have done so before you know what’s happened or where the attack came from. (ie: a brown snake, funnel web spider, or stone fish bites)  

Thus far I’ve only seen one dangerous animal: a Red-Bellied Black Snake. But while I was told to make sure to keep my distance, I was also told that these snakes want nothing more than to be left alone. Making noise is a good way to make sure that any snakes vacate the area before you arrive. (Then another person said they are sometimes attracted by noise…) Many people who are seriously injured or killed end up that way because of doing something stupid or ill advised.

I had also been in fear of Redbacks and the Funnel Web spiders, but was told that there really weren’t many funnel webs here, and the Redbacks stick to their nests rather than roaming around looking for people to kill once the lights go out. Accidentally putting your hand on one wouldn’t end well, but so long as you look before putting your hand under a chair or board, you should be fine. One of the first things I had asked when settling into the house was whether spiders tend to inhabit beds. I was told that as long as everything was tucked in nicely when I made my bed, then they should leave me alone. As a result, not a day has gone by that I haven’t made my bed and carefully tucked in the sheets.

I saw a palm-sized Huntsman spider one evening, but a brother simply picked it up and put it outside. Though dangerous looking and off puttingly large, they are timid and generally no more dangerous than a daddy long legs. Unlike a daddy longlegs, however, they have worrying fangs (which they can indeed use) that would make me think twice regardless. Tim and another brother named Adrian both said that they always try to catch and release a huntsman rather than kill it because they are very helpful to have around and pretty harmless to humans. At any rate I made sure to spray the doorways and windows with spider repellent. While I may have gotten over my fear of Huntsmans that night, I’m still not looking forward to my first in-house encounter with a Giant Huntsman. (Though beyond that encounter surely lies real manhood…)

Probably the greatest danger I faced, the longer I stayed here, was growing complacent and forgetting to be careful.

To be honest, the worst I’ve had to deal with so far was stepping barefoot on a patch of Bullshead. Aptly named Tribulus Terrestris by the scientific community, these noxious weeds are also know as caltrops because of the resemblance of their burrs to the area-denying, spiked deterrents employed throughout history to slow or disable attackers and pursuers. More than a simple thorn, these irritating things seems to multiply as one tries to remove them, sticking in fingers and anything else they touch, including clothing, to be unknowingly transported inside and stepped on later. 

Did I say worst? Actually, no. I take that back. The worst I’ve had to deal with, so far, has been the mozzies (mosquitos). Now while I haven’t researched it overmuch, I know there are several varieties of mosquito here. But for the sake of simplicity, I’ll break them into two groups: big ones and tiny ones. The big mozzies are the type we often see in the States, while the small ones are something new and infernal. With the larger variety, you can often feel them land and kill them before the bite or while they are in the act. (I killed one a few days ago that had zebra stripes and looked unpleasant). But the small ones will often land, bite, and leave without your even feeling it. Many was the morning I would wake and begin scratching itchy spots without any recollection of having been bitten in those places. There were other differences as well.

Whereas Ohio mosquitos tend to attack high, (favoring the arms and neck) these small ones were often found hovering near the floor and would bite the calves and ankles primarily. While a mosquito flying at chest height could be intercepted and ended before dealing damage, this variety would simply vanish against the wood grain of the floor. Additionally, they seemed to be everywhere all the time. In Ohio one could feel safe from mozzies until late afternoon when one could go inside and escape them. Here they seemed to lurk in every patch of daytime shade and would find their way into the house under door cracks and even, seemingly, through closed screens. I would wake up at night to buzzing near my face and often box my own ear trying to swat it.

Some time later I was introduced to an exciting new way to kill mozzies while having dinner at the home of Ann and Rod Egan one night. Ann produced what appeared to be a badminton racket, however this device was electrified. She demonstrated it’s effectiveness at one point by leaping up and chasing a fly down a hallway. After two misses, there was a loud crack and a flash of light as she connected with the pest, zapping it out of existence. I would’ve seriously considered getting one, except that I knew I wouldn’t be able to take it with me and I feared smacking myself with it in the heat of battle.

Few people here complain about bites, and I didn’t want to seem overly prissy in the scope and number of my complaints, but something had to be done. As time went by, I found practical strategies to keep them at bay and the bites decreased dramatically. This usually involved making sure doors and windows were closed by a certain time, hiding places were reduced, and open cracks in windows were stuffed. The occasional bite is to be expected when one is outdoors, but at first the increased number was more than I was content to handle. Add to this the fact that the constant heat in Australia means that skin-exposing shorts and (optional) shirts are the order of the day, and I was a veritable butcher’s window of mouth watering cuts of meat on display to any mosquitoes who might have made it inside. For some reason I must have been delicious.

In the final analysis, though, mozzie bites are just a part of life here, and I’d much rather get bitten by a mosquito than a spider.

Thankfully I have few pictures of any of the things I mentioned in this post, but I’ll update the post in the months ahead if I end up getting any additional pictures…

One animal that had made the danger list that I had already met firsthand was the Magpie. They were notorious for swooping people during the breeding season, aggressively pecking and attacking cyclists and pedestrians who get too close to their nesting areas. The first welcome I had had when I entered the house in Monto, was from a friendly magpie about whom I had been told. His name was Check.